Dirty Little Secrets
by Kitty Cullen-03
Summary: He has a mission. The objective? Find the girl. One sentence changes everything. "For the Love of Jasper" contest entry.


"**For the Love of Jasper" One-Shot Contest**

**Title: ****Dirty Little Secrets**

**Pen name:**** Kitty Cullen-03**

**Existing work: ****NA**

**Primary Players:**** Jasper/Bella**

**Disclaimer:**** All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I'm only enjoying playing with them.**

**To see other entries in the "For the Love of Jasper" contest, please visit the C2:  
www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/community/For_the_Love_of_Jasper_Contest/72564/**

Jasper's POV

"Why are we doing this again, Victoria?" I asked idly as we moved forward with our plight.

"I've told you once before, Jasper. I have a score to settle. That's all you need to know. I'm not paying you to be nosy." She snapped.

"That may be true, but let's also consider the fact that you haven't _paid_ me at all." I snarled in response.

"You'll get paid when the deed is done. Now go and hunt-I need you on top of your game. And since you refuse to hunt with the rest of us, now is as good of a time as any." I nodded and moved away into the tree line. I hated hunting at night. But at least I would be away from the noise.

I despised working with newborns-it had been something I shied away from for years-since I left Maria, actually. And it wasn't something I'd normally deal with. Normally, I was alone. I tried, very hard, not to think about _why_ I was alone, but when I was hunting, away from the noise, the memories would always find me. And they were always of her.

"_I've been waiting for you, Jasper," she chimed as she approached me slowly in the diner that day. She was so beautiful. I could feel this love enveloping me, and I just knew it was something I had to do. I knew I would never look back. ~_

"_You're going to love this family, Jasper! They're so good…and we'll be a part of something, together! They'll teach us how to live without killing. They'll help you cope. And Emmett will be your best friend-next to me of course-and Edward your brother. Carlisle? I just know we'll call him dad. And Esme will be our mother. Don't you see?" she trilled at me as we ran to meet the family she saw in her visions. Her excitement was intoxicating-I couldn't help but mirror her emotions, although I was more nervous than she was. I was afraid they would turn us away, but she promised they wouldn't. ~_

"_Come _on_, Edward! Stop moping and come out with us! Jasper's finally ready to 'face the burn!'" she chuckled at the terminology. It was true-I had been abstinent from human blood for quite some time now, and we were going to enroll in high school. Thankfully, the high school we were attending was quite small-there wasn't much of a demand for one near Denali. ~_

_She smiled at me, looking so beautiful in white with flowers in her hair. This was the woman that changed me. That made me who I am today. From the moment I took her hand those years ago I knew I would spend the rest of my life with her. "I, Jasper Whitlock, take you, Alice Cullen, to be my wedded wife…" ~_

I snorted. Always the wedding vision. Always just as beautiful as she was the day that I met her. The happiest moment of my life. I took down the deer quickly, too disgusted with my emotions to enjoy it. I needed to get my mind of the gutter and get back to the task at hand. These thoughts were my dirty little secrets.

According to Victoria, we were close to our objective. She said I would get detail when we breached the town of Forks, Washington. Until then, I had twenty rowdy newborns that I had to control before they wiped each other out of oblivion. I sighed. _I swear to God, if she doesn't pay me, I will kill her myself._ And I meant it. She was nothing to me, only a paycheck. She didn't like me, and the feeling was mutual. I could hear them as I approached.

"You!" I screamed, pointing at a tiny blonde girl. "I will rip your limbs off if you attack another one of us again. Do not forget-I am watching you." I threatened. She balked, fear rolling off her in waves. She knew I would keep my promise. She'd seen me in action. Snow had fallen as we marched, and when dawn broke the ground glistened with a white downy cover. We were close-I could see the sign.

The City of Forks Welcomes You.

If you only knew.

Victoria approached me, pulling me behind the crowd. She handed me a red sweater. "There is a girl who smells like this out there somewhere. They are hiding her. She is who I want, and I need you to find her. I will take them" she said, pointing to the newborns, "to destroy her protectors. They can't find her, or they will kill her. I want to do that myself. I'm sure they know we're coming, so you have to act fast. Go!" she screeched in her bubble gum voice. I brought the sweater to my nose, inhaling deeply as I tried to memorize the aroma. Delicious. Better than a normal human. Sweet, but slightly floral…

I sped into the woods, weaving in and out as I tried to catch some kind of trail. It wasn't long before I picked up the sent.

I froze when I realized the scent that accompanied hers.

It smelled like Edward, but that wasn't possible. They weren't here. Why would they be protecting a human girl? I must be confused. And besides-I had an objective. I followed her scent up the path through the woods until it intensified and turned direction. I was close. I slowed down to a stalk-not that she would get away from me, but the effect was nice. I could hear her crying behind a tree-that she was chained to. "What if they die because of me?" I heard her whisper to herself. I wouldn't tell her that was exactly what was going to happen. I approached her slowly; it took her a moment to register the noise. I tilted my head to the side and waited for the scream. I could feel the fear, but it didn't match her facial expression. It was almost like she knew me.

"Alice said you would come to save me," she said, almost calmly through the tears. Somehow, she was radiating relief.

"What did you just say?" I was sick. It couldn't be. She was lying to save herself.

"She told me you would come. It was the only way…but the rest of them…I don't know what's going to happen to them!" The panic washed over me from her, mixing with the panic I was feeling.

"What others? What…" _Oh, no._ They were the people Victoria was going to destroy. She was the human they were protecting. Alice must have seen…but how long ago?

"_Alice, honey, what do you see?" I asked, rushing to her side as a vision washed over her. She was silent for a moment before her mouth opened in horror. Edward wasn't around to ask what she was seeing, so I waited for her to regain speech. I was afraid because she was afraid. On top of that, she was nervous and painfully sad. "Alice?" I asked again._

"_I want…we can't…oh…" she mumbled incoherently. "I want to see other people." Okay, that was out of the blue._

"_Excuse me? Alice, I don't know what you're talking about!" I grabbed her by the arms and started to shake her, hoping that would bring the sense back._

"_There's someone else out there for me-I saw him. He'll come to me, and I owe it to myself to meet him. You have to go." My heart tore down the middle at her words. Shocked and confused, I let my hands fall from her arms._

"_But I love you. Don't I get a say in this?"_

"_I love you too, Jasper, so much…but it has to be like this. I'm sorry. You have to go now, before the others come back. I'll tell them what happened. Just-go." Without Alice, I had no desire to live with the rest of the family. Without her, I didn't want to live. I stared at her a long moment, begging her with my eyes to change her mind. When she didn't, I rose and walked out the door without bothering to look back. I left a part of me with her that day; a part of myself I would never get back. My soul._

It was then-I was sure of it. And she didn't want Edward to hear it in her thoughts and tell me the truth. That one day, it would come down to saving this girl. There had to be more to it.

"Why are they protecting you?" I snarled.

"I'm…with Edward. Last spring, Victoria, James and another came to Forks and caused some trouble. James, uh, took an interest in me…in a food way, and in short, Edward destroyed him. Hence the vendetta. So are you here to save me or not?" she asked, trying to play brave when I knew better.

I had to make a decision. I could take this girl back to Victoria, like originally planned, get my money and head out. Or I could trust Alice and save the girl. But…the others. The rest of the family was in grave danger right now. It was like the choice was made in that instant.

"Stay here, right now. I'm going to find the rest of them." I didn't want to tell her I might be too late. She looked down to her handcuffed arm and glared at me. "Not like you're going anywhere," I said, and bolted towards the clearing. I could hear the fight, and I was scared. I never wanted anything to happen to Alice, or the rest of that family for that matter, and if I didn't move fast they were going to be wiped out. Alice was my only love. I don't condone why she sent me away, but there must be more to the story, and maybe once I fulfilled my part of the bargain, she would tell me.

Maybe she would take me back.

I reached the clearing in time to see Emmett throw one of the newborns into a nearby rock wall, laughing all the while. My brother. My eyes scanned the field for the tiny figure I was looking for. She was fighting with Edward, both of them deep in concentration. A crowd of the young ones was closing in on them-I could practically see the determination on Edward's face as he tried to find a way out. He was too far into his thoughts to have heard mine. But Alice knew I was there. Her face was resigned, and I knew then that there was no way out for her. She turned to look at me, catching my eye immediately. All those feelings of love from that first day enveloped me again, and she smiled through the despair. I knew she loved me. And even through the noise and destruction and burning I could hear her whisper.

"You save her, you understand me? Save her for me." Edwards' eyes flickered up briefly, and I knew there would be tears there if it were possible. He nodded once, acknowledging Alice's plea with his own.

"Please." He whispered before the newborns enveloped the two of them. I turned away before they were finished. In order to save this girl, I had to turn my back on the scene before me.

"Start the fire, Carlisle!" Emmett cried, and I knew the rest of them would make it. I made my way back to the girl slowly, numb from the shock and pain and overwhelming terror I felt from every angle. When I reached the tree she was chained to, I didn't have to speak. The look on my face was enough to tell the story.

"No. No, no, no!" she cried, collapsing to the ground. "Not…it can't…all of them?" she cried, sobbing into herself.

"Carlisle, Esme, Emmett and Rose will be fine. But if you want to live, we have to go. Now. Someone will be looking for me shortly, and it would be in our best interests to leave." I moved towards her, but she struggled away.

"Leave me here then! Let her have me! I don't want to live if they're gone!" she cried, but she was no match for me. I snapped the handcuff and threw her over my shoulder as gently as possible.

"I promised them I would keep you safe. And that is exactly what I intend to do." Sometime later I would sort through these feelings that were coursing through me. But it wasn't going to be now. Victoria would be expecting me soon, and she couldn't catch me with the girl or that would be it. This had been deeper than I thought-this goes back years. For some reason, Alice knew this was going to happen and couldn't find a way around it. Why this girl was important enough to sacrifice our relationship for? That was an entirely different question. I tried very hard to suppress the urge to let this girl know exactly _how_ pissed I was at this situation, but my guess is she didn't know anymore than I did when it came down to it. "What's your name?" I asked her tersely.

"B-Bella," she managed to choke out between sobs.

"Listen, Bella-Alice must have had a damn good reason for letting this play out the way she did, but in order for me to find out, I need you to tell me what you know. You've got to pull it together so we can figure this out. Can you do that?"

"Why?" she cried.

"Because this is bigger than you and me! Alice wouldn't have sacrificed herself and her brother for any reason other than something beyond us. So for her, and for Edward, you need to help me out."

"Alice has known about this for a while. She said things were set in motion the moment I was born, but that's all she'd really tell me. She saw that Edward and I would meet, and that James would come after me. We were well prepared then-Edward and Emmett were waiting for him. She knew that Victoria would come, and that Edward couldn't stay with me or we would all die-he had to be in the fight with her. She wouldn't tell me _how_ she knew you would come, only that you would." She sniffed. I mulled over what she told me while we continued running North. Victoria must think I was lost in the fight, and that's what I want. She'll think I got close to the girl, and that I was intercepted. She wasn't smart enough to notice the only scents in the clearing were mine, Bella's and Edward's.

So Alice knew that I had to be the one to save Bella, but in her original vision perhaps that would have saved everyone. By sending me away, she was saving everyone else. Of course she did what she thought was right. She couldn't have known that she and Edward would be lost, because she would have tried something different-I would think. Or maybe she did, and that's the only reason Edward condoned leaving Bella chained to a tree-it was the only way _she_ would live. Their relationship must have been intense.

"What do you know about me?" I asked.

"Not much. I know your name is Jasper. I know you're a vegetarian like the Cullen's, and that you knew them in the past. How…" she asked. I was surprised Alice didn't tell her more. But then again, it might have sounded awkward to hear.

"I was…Alice's husband. We were together for years, living with the Cullens. She sent me away many years ago, for reasons I wasn't aware of until now." I stopped running when we reached Canada. I was able to get us across the border without an issue, and I found a cheap hotel on the highway that would suffice for now. We just needed to lay low for a few days. Once in the room, Bella collapsed on the bed in another fit of tears.

"What reason? Why did she send you away?" she cried through the pillow. She was concerned about me while she was losing her soul like that? What an odd girl…

"She _told_ me she sent me away because she had a vision of herself and another man. I was so devastated that I left without question. But what you told me makes me think I was wrong."

"Why?"

"How old are you, Bella?"

"Eighteen." It was perfect.

"That's how many years it's been. I think that she saw this happening back then, but didn't have the full picture. I think that she thought if I was the one to save you, everyone would live. She was trying to preserve her family. At the time, it was probably her only option. She thinks fast." I still hadn't allowed the flood of emotions to escape; I couldn't. Not yet. I'm not ready.

"That's just like her," Bella murmured, sitting up on the bed. "Always so self-sacrificing. And she was your wife? Oh my God, Jasper! You must feel so terrible!" she immediately lunged herself at me, throwing her arms around my neck and trying to pull me forward into an embrace. What was _with_ this girl? Hadn't she just lost two important people? Shouldn't she be more concerned about her feelings? I didn't act on her movements; I was too stunned. She pulled back quickly, blushing. "I'm so sorry! I just…I don't know how to act, or what to feel…it's like this whole thing isn't real. How are you doing this?"

"I haven't let myself feel anything. I…can't. I don't know what will happen when I do. I haven't actually _felt_ anything in a very long time." Odd, how easy it was to open up to this human. "Tell me about you and Edward. It's an odd relationship, human and vampire. How did it come to be?"

She told me everything, from the beginning.

I learned that she had actually avoided him for a while, considering the odd way he acted around her. She felt as though he hated her based on nothing, when in actuality he found her 'particularly delicious,' using Bella's terminology. It surprised me, hearing the intensity of the first time she saw him sparkle-she depicted the two of them walking a ledge, neither knowing which they would fall. She was willingly walking with blind faith, not knowing if she would see the next day. I can't imagine Edward showing such force of emotion-I had never seen him even flinch while I was with them. And a run in with the Volturi!?

She was silent for a while before I realized the tears streaming down her face. "I'm sorry." It was all I could say. I brought an army to destroy her, instead taking away two people very dear to her heart. One person who _was_ my heart. I was without my heart for so long…

"It's not your fault. You saved me. I owe you my life…but I don't know what kind of life I'm going to have now." Her desolation was reaching a fever pitch; enveloping both of us as I was no longer able to rein in what I was feeling.

"I brought them here, Bella! I was supposed to bring you to Victoria, and she was going to kill you. She held a great vendetta against you." She just stared at me.

"But you didn't. Don't you see the difference? You made a choice." I shook my head.

"No. Alice made a choice for me. Had you not said her name, things would have turned out differently."

"I know that. Don't you think she did too? And I'm pretty sure you're not going to kill me now. So my question is what now? My soul died in that field down there; I'm not going home. And I have a feeling that whatever you were doing before you won't be going back to. All of the sudden, you're all I have." The admission brought me up short. Only because she was absolutely right. I would not, _could not_, go back to where I had been. Especially Victoria. She would be after me now, if she doesn't think I'm dead. And now this girl was all I had.

This Girl.

This Bella.

Bella.

My Bella.

The reality was a hard truth. She was looking at me with wide, brown eyes, praying that I wouldn't leave her like Edward and Alice had. Begging me to hold her together. And in return, she would do the same for me. She would bring me back. We would be each other's glue. Alice always told me to have faith.

"Now, you get some sleep, if you can. Tomorrow, we will get new identification for the both of us. Do you have family in the area?" She nodded.

"My father."

"We will come up with something to handle that. If you are serious about not coming back, then we're going to have to kill you." She didn't even blanch at my terminology.

"Okay. Are you going to stay with me tonight? Or do you need to hunt?" Every word of her question was soaked with a plea-_please don't leave_, she was begging me. It was odd to have a human ask me if I had hunted lately.

"I'll stay. If you'd like, I could help you sleep."

"No. I need to deal with this. Would you…lie next to me? I know, it's an odd request, but I would just feel safer if I knew you were there." I was afraid she would mistake me for Edward and it might upset her, but I couldn't deny her this. I was just as eager for some form of comfort-anything to remind me I wasn't alone. Tonight, we were united in this grief. She crawled under the covers. I moved next to her, staying on top of the blanket. We didn't say anything else to one another. She wasn't sleeping. I watched her clench her eyes shut in an attempt, all the while thinking about the burden she carried. Edward was lucky to have had her, and now she was mine to protect. Two hours and still awake. She must have felt my eyes on her as she opened her eyes to look at me. She wet her lips with her tongue and never blinked.

"I want you to take my pain away." She was lust and pain and fear and hope. I was drunk off of it. I let my own grief and anger and desire for relief to mix with hers as I lowered my mouth to hers roughly. We were strangers in a sense, but we were each others hope. We would be together from this day on, in one manner or another. No matter what, I would keep my promise. She flung herself upwards, clutching my neck to bring herself closer. I had to still for a moment, pushing the blood to the back of my mind. I would not let it win. She sensed my hesitation, but instead of moving away she clawed herself closer. She was dancing the line, because she truly didn't care if she lived or died. As long as there was no pain.

I pulled her on top of me, yanking her top over her head and tossing it carelessly away. Grabbing her hair, I yanked her closer still, bringing our mouths back together almost painfully. She winced, but the moan she let out won over the pain. I wanted to be tender; that's how I was. But I couldn't. I had no tenderness in me. Thank God she didn't want it. I ripped her bra off and growled at the site of her natural breasts. She truly was magnificent. There was a tinge of embarrassment coming from her, and I was myself enough to ask why.

"Don't hide…" I said, and she tried to smile.

"I've never…" she trailed off, unable to meet my eyes. _Fuck._ I was going to fuck her for her first time, when she should be made love to.

"I can't be gentle, Bella. If you want this, you have to know that." One last chance to turn away. She shook her head vigorously.

"No. I want this. I don't care. I'm glad it's you." I would think about that last statement later. I flipped her over, hovering as I stared at her longer than necessary. I took one finger and dragged it from the base of her throat, past the valley of her breasts and to the edge of her panties. I let my fingernail rip them down the center. A red line formed where my finger made its path. Not hard enough to bleed. She gasped as I licked the same path upwards, meeting her mouth again. I let my fingers mark her breasts as mine, toying with each nipple until her breaths were coming in quick gasps. I quickly ripped my clothes off and positioned myself between her legs. I stared at her as I pushed forward, hard and quick, not slowing down to break her barrier. She cried out as I began to move inside of her, invading her for the first time. From pain comes pleasure. Soon her cries were of ecstasy as she arched into me, her inexperienced fingers fingering my shoulders in what was a rough move for her. "Please…" she whispered. I thrust harder. Each plunge represented letting go, just a little bit. Allowing this, because it didn't hurt. I felt her walls clench around me as she tumbled over the edge, and I followed immediately. We jumped off this cliff together, and now we were each others.

I rolled off of her and turned to face her. She smiled.

"I needed to feel something other than pain. Just for a moment." She explained, too late.

"You don't owe me an explanation. I understand." No more words would be said on this act of blasphemy, this defiling of love we lost. This thing that shouldn't be. But it was. And I will never regret pulling her from that tree. I will never regret saving her. Because we will save each other.


End file.
